Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
