dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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