Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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