It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
