forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
