Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
