Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
