If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
