A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
