It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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