Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
