I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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