good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i love accidental penises.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
