just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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