they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
