I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She's the barista slut.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
