I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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