I have demons in me.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
