i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Help. Why am I so naked?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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