So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i just sent this text using only my big toe
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
