Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just invented taco cereal.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
