I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
