her vagine was all disorganized.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
