is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
