I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
