Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
