I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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