Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
