i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
