I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
