I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
