my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
That accounts for only three of the penises
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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