I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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