what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
