at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Actions speak louder than pants.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
