I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Your cock deserves a montage
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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