it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Randomize
