Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
