Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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