I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Farmville is her only friend.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
