I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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