At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
