you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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