Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
