Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
