come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
