I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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