I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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