Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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