is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
